


Pizzaaah!

by IT_GIRL_RH



Category: Radiohead (Band)
Genre: Drug Use, Fluff, Friendship, M/M, Smut, lolz
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-08-15
Updated: 2017-04-08
Packaged: 2018-10-16 11:13:42
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 3,870
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10570140
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IT_GIRL_RH/pseuds/IT_GIRL_RH
Summary: Jonny.  Kneads.  Dough.Those fingers... squeezing... smacking... forearm muscles flexing and relaxing in a steady rhythm... while he talks about it... Yeah... Thom likes it, too.Then Ed shows up because I cannot keep him out of my porn recently. Dammit, Ed!





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Updated: 15 Aug 2009, 24 Aug 2009, 29 Aug 2009, 30 Aug 2009, 25 May 2010

"Slap! Smack! Squish! Thud!"

"What the fuck is that?" Thom mutters as he looks up from his book again. He sighs audibly and sets the book down as he glares towards the noise. "Better not be monsters." He says getting up to investigate.

Thom walks into the kitchen and stops dead in his tracks. His jaw on the floor. His eyes like lasers.

Here's what he finds. The sink is neatly piled with bowls and plates and utensils. Bits of veggies are sliced and diced and sit waiting patiently in a careful arrangement of bowls on the counter. A few pots on the stove are busy bubbling away and smelling fantastic, with lots of basil and garlic and oregano and a hint of coriander. All signs point to Italian food. And while this is all very good. It is not what has Thom's attention. In fact, he hasn't noticed any of this yet.

What has caught Thom's attention so effectively is Jonny Greenwood. Or more exactly, Jonny Greenwood kneading dough. He has headphones covering his ears and a "Kiss the Cock" apron which was presumably tied around his waist is now just barely hanging on, clinging dangerously low from his hips. White spatters of flour criss-cross on his green Mr. Machine t-shirt. His hair swishes rhythmically back and forth as he leans over a marble slab on the center island. His fingers squeeze into the blob of dough as he pulls it towards him and firmly but carefully folds it over itself. He picks it up, twists it in the air and slaps it back onto the marble slab sending up a little dust storm of flour. He digs the palms of his hands into the dough and roughly pushes it away from himself, then presses his long fingers in and does it all again. The muscles in his arms are tensing and relaxing in the most mesmerizing way as he works it. A look of intense concentration on his bowed face, lips slightly pursed but curling up at the edges into a little faint smile. Small hums of pleasure escape him now and then as he kneads the dough into submission.

Thom licks his lips as he stares from the doorway.

Jonny glances at the screen of the laptop set up on the island and reads aloud to himself. "Dough that is not adequately kneaded results in product that is too heavy and dense." He stops abusing the blob on the slab and looks down at it suspiciously, his lips pouting. "How are you supposed to know when it's enough?"


	2. Chapter 2

He pokes the blob with a long finger, watches it for a moment and pokes it again, his head bobbing to whatever music is pumping through his headphones. He scrunches his lips in consternation and looks back at the screen. "The degree of gluten development should be less than with bread dough, which usually requires full development of the gluten. With pizza dough, greater reliance is placed on biochemical gluten development. In this regard, see the Lehmann PMQ Think Tank post at blah blah blah..." He bends his elbow and hits the keyboard with it. "Shit." He taps the keyboard a couple more times with his elbow. "Shit. Shit. Shit."

"Need help?" Thom asks, stepping forward. His trance broken now that Jonny has stopped fingering dough and started elbowing keyboards. It's just not as sexy.

Jonny looks over drawn by the movement and smiles brightly when he sees Thom walking towards him. "Thom!" He turns to Thom, spreads his arms out dramatically and says with equal flair "I'm cooking!" Then stands there looking as proud as a 6-year-old that finally learned to tie his own shoes, completely unaware that as he does, his apron takes the opportunity to abandon ship and flutters sadly to the floor.

Thom's heart melts and he smiles in return. "I guessed that much. But what are you cooking?"

"What" Jonny replies brightly.

"What are you cooking?"

"What?" He says just as brightly.

Thom grabs an earphone, pulling it away from Jonny's ear and tries again. "What are you cooking?"

Jonny giggles. "Oh! Ha ha ha! I forgot! Can you get the headphones off for me, love?" He says wiggling his flour and dough caked fingers in Thom's face for emphasis. "Thanks ever so."

Thom steps behind Jonny and carefully removes the headphones without mussing Jonny's hair. Jonny retrieves his apron from the floor, shakes his hair back into place then turns towards Thom as he ties the apron back on loosely around his waist. Thom places the headphones behind the computer while perusing the screen.

"This is all for pizza?" Thom asks gesturing around the kitchen.

"Not just pizza! The perfect pizza!"

"Oh really?"

"Yes! Really! I'm making everything myself! The sauce! The dough! Everything! It's going to be fantastic! I've even got stones heating in the oven! I'm going to bake it on stones, Thom! Stones! Isn't that brilliant?!" His excitement practically shoots off him with little cartoon lightning bolts as he bounces from foot to foot.

Thom eyes him, frowning. "Have you been smoking with Ed?"

"No." Jonny pouts a little. "Hey! You bake bread! How do you know when the dough has been kneaded enough?"

"The food processor stops."

"What? Are you serious?"

"Yeah."

"You make dough in a food processor? Thom, that's cheating."

"No it's not!" Thom pouts a little. "It's... clever."

"But you can't make a good dough without kneading it by hand!"

"What? Where did you get that?"

"It says so on the website." Jonny gestures towards the computer.

Thom's eyes follow Jonny's fingers. Something on the screen catches his eye and he smiles. "It also says you can't really over knead dough by hand... so maybe you should knead it some more..." Thom says with a shifty grin. "I'll pull up a stool and... help keep an eye on the dough for you."

Jonny smiles coyly from under his fringe. "You can't eye my dough until you kiss the cook."

"That doesn't say 'cook'."


	3. Chapter 3

"What? It doesn't? But Thom, what else would an apron possibly say besides 'cook'?" Jonny asks in overly dramatic shock, his eyes wide with mock innocence and dancing with mischief.

"It says 'cock' and you know it says 'cock'." Thom says annoyed, having gone through this scenario more than enough times already before. It's Jonny's revenge for what he so callously refers to as Thom's fart-joke-mentality.

"Does it? How odd. Well... only one thing for it, I suppose. On your knees then. Chop. Chop."

"I don't think you really want to use the words 'Chop. Chop.' in relation to your cock right now." Thom smirks.

"Honestly, Thom. It's a novelty apron you really should have some sense of humor about it." As Thom does not seem to have any more desire to take this last suggestion to heart as any of the other times they'd been through this before, Jonny continues. "Well, let's keep it G-rated then because my cock and I have some very special plans for you later and I really don't want them spoiled by any malicious chopping." He closes his eyes, leans down and kisses Thom chastely on the lips. "Mmm. God you're delicious." He whispers as he drifts away while slowly licking his lips, still just a hair's breadth from Thom's mouth.

"You are such a fucking tease!" Thom growls, shaking his head.

"Am I?" Jonny bats his eyelashes and can't suppress a grin. "Am I, really?"

Thom grins back at Jonny for a second before he grabs Jonny and pulls him down into a passionate kiss. Jonny does his best to hold Thom with his elbows, trying not to touch him with his dirty fingers because Thom is wearing his very favorite white button-down shirt. Knowing exactly what Jonny is doing, Thom does his best to make up for the lack of Jonny's hands on his ass by groping Jonny's ass twice as much, letting his greedy little hands wander up and down Jonny's body and all over his pretty ass with extra fervor. When they finally pull apart, they both seem quite pleased with how things had gone.

"You are a perfectly delightful distraction but I have to get back to my dough now, Thom."

"Of course, darling. Let me pull up a stool. I'll just watch and stay out of the way." He says, a mischievous grin spilling slowly over his face.

"You can be my special helper!" Jonny smiles brightly.

"Ok! Don't do anything yet. I'm getting a stool. I don't want to miss anything." Thom sing-songs as he sprints across the kitchen to fetch a bar stool from the breakfast board by the window, bypassing the shorter chairs at the kitchen table.

"It's not that interesting. I'm just squeezing dough."

"Oh, Jonny. Let me assure you. That isn't just interesting. It's completely pornographic." Thom says solemnly, placing his stool next to Jonny just so. He wants the very best view.

Jonny raises his eyebrows and peeks through his fringe at Thom adjusting his perch on the tall stool. "Well you're going to make me nervous. If you keep talking like that. Give me performance anxiety, or something."

"Oh pish posh." Thom reprimands staring at Jonny's hands poised hesitantly over the dough. He waits a beat for Jonny to start then looks pointedly at Jonny then back to Jonny's hands, like a dog waiting for her master to throw the damn ball already. "C'mon, baby... Knead it! Knead it!"


	4. Chapter 4

"Thom. you're making me nervous."

Thom peeks under Jonny's fringe and gives him a wink. He reaches over and runs a finger lightly over Jonny's hand. "Don't be shy. I've seen you do absolutely obscene things with these hands. This is nothing." He says, his head cocked to the side, his benevolent smile countered by the naughty sparkle in his eyes.

Jonny smiles back, swishes his hair for confidence and immediately brightens. "Ok! And you're just going to love the end product, Thom. I promise. This pizza is going to be sooo deelish! You'll simply love me forever!" He says squeezing his fingers into the dough with enthusiasm.

Thom's eyes immediately shoot right to Jonny's fingers in the dough. "I already do."

"Aww. Aren't you the sweetest!" Jonny leans over and plants a kiss on Thom's forehead.

"Less talking, more dough fondling, please."

Jonny pauses and gives Thom one of those looks. "You are such a horn dog." He snorts. Then plows into the dough with renewed enthusiasm, determined to give Thom a good show.

Thom licks his lips in anticipation.

"This dough feels really good, Thom."

"Mmm. Hmm."

Squish. "Oh! It's so warm and soft!"

"Yeah."

"I just love how it feels!"

"Yeah. Uh huh."

Squeeze. "It's like it's sucking on my fingers when I push into it."

"Jesus." Thom bites his fist.

"Mmm. Oh!"

"Oh."

"It's pulling at my fingers! Like it wants it harder!"

Thom swallows.

"Harder!" Slap. Squeeze.

Thom moans.

"Almost there!" Slap.

"..."

"Oh God! Thom!" Slap.

"..."

"This feels sooo good!"

"..."

"Yes! Yes!"

"...!"

"Oh! Yes!"

"...!!"

"Thom!" Slap. Slap.

"...!!"

"Is it good? Is it good?"

"...?"

Squeeze. "It feels so... so... oh! I'm so close! "

"...?"

"Tell me when! Thom! Tell me when!"

"...!?"

Slap! Pull! Squeeze! Squish! "Thom! Thom! Oh Thom! Can I? Can I?"

"Fuck! Yes! Jonny! Yes! Yes! Yes!"

"Now? Thom! Now?"

"Yes! Jonny! Now! Now! Yes! Yes!"

Jonny stops, pats the dough and smiles proudly. "Good little dough! Now you need to rest, don't you?"

"And maybe have a cigarette! Jesus Jonny!" Thom gasps out with eyes wide, mouth agape and panting like a sprinter.

Jonny covers the little blob with a bowl and turns to Thom. "Did you like it? Was that good for you, Thom?"

"Yeah. That was good for me." Thom says turning to Jonny. "What shall we do while your dough rests? Something good for you?" He says pulling Jonny to him and rubbing against him as way of suggestion.

"Hmmm." Jonny looks up at the ceiling considering all the options then looks thoughtfully down at the writing on the apron and back up at Thom. “Well… You should get on your knees then, I suppose. Chop. Chop.”

"What?" Thom laughs. "No."

"But you said you'd be my special helper!"

"I’m not getting on my knees."

"You're the one what bought the apron."

"No I didn’t it was a gift!"

"From whom?"

"From… I don't know, some smart ass!"

"Named?"

Thom looked around shiftily and pouted his lips. “Tchocky.” He says almost inaudibly.

"'Tchocky' is you Thom. We all know that."

"Yeah well I’m still not getting on me knees."

"But the dough need to rest and what else am I going to do with these doughy fingers?” Jonny whines, wiggling his doughy fingers in the air at Thom.


	5. Chapter 5

"Oh hell. I can’t believe I’m going to do this." Thom says kneeling before Jonny after just half a beat of hesitation. "Honestly, I was having a lovely G-rated evening reading a very nice book about alien abduction all of twenty minutes ago. Before Mr. ”Look at what else my gorgeous long fingers can do!” goes all kneady and sexy with a wad of fucking pizza dough of all things…"

“Thom.” Jonny interrupts. “Less talking; more fellating, please.”

Thom smirks up at him. ”Oh you’ve asked for it now. I’m going to fellate your eyes right out of their sockets, mister.”

“There is still a lot of talking and very little fellating going on down there.”

Thom smirks up at him again as he lifts the apron. He scoots under it and lays it over his head like a tent, then goes to work at Jonny's fly. He can already see Jonny's erection straining against the denim. He smirks more realising that Jonny is just as turned on as he is despite Jonny's sarcastic little display with the dough. Thom deftly unbuckles Jonny's belt. Then flicks open each button of his fly with well practiced fingers. Jonny shifts his feet in anticipation and bucks his hips a little when Thom's fingers press against his groin as he works at the buttons. Thom smiles. Then closes his eyes and runs his hands up Jonny's thighs and around his hips to his ass, caressing the juts and indents of his bones and flesh. He pulls Jonny to him. He hears Jonny sigh and Thom presses his face against Jonny's hip inhaling deeply and savoring his lover's scent.

Jonny is staring intently down at the words "Kiss the Cock" which are strategically placed over the little dome of Thom's head under the apron. All Jonny can see of Thom is his feet poking out. But he can feel him under there moving around and... breathing. He can feel Thom's hands on him. He knows just what he's doing and in his mind he knows what Thom looks like doing it. But it's intoxicating to be deprived of the view he's seen so many times before. Like a blindfold in reverse. Jonny likes it.

Thom glides a hand around Jonny's waist and hooks his fingers into Jonny's waistband. He pulls down just a little, just a tease. He licks his lips and runs his tongue over the exposed flesh. Jonny moans quietly and his breaths pick up pace. Thom slides his hand back to Jonny's ass, presses his face into Jonny's skin and nips at the goose flesh he's produced. Jonny is still so sensitive and he loves that. He hooks his fingers into the back of Jonny's pants and slides the material over his ass, caressing as he goes. He bites the band of Jonny's boxers with his teeth and guides it over his erection. He hears Jonny's breath catch and the sound goes straight to his own cock. He pushes Jonny's clothes down to his feet while he licks a path over to Jonny's cock. He reaches up and takes hold of the base with one hand, his mouth already at the tip, eagerly licking at the precum before he even realises he's doing it. His other hand slides up the back of Jonny's leg and grasps an ass cheek with a firm grip. He positions Jonny the way he wants him and without preamble, swallows him down to the root, working at the underside with his tongue all the way down.

Jonny lets out a strangled noise that sorta sounds like "Thom! Oh My God! Thom! Yes!" and grabs onto the counter with a doughy-fingered death grip. His other hand goes to tangle in Thom's hair but is met with apron instead. Jonny ends up rubbing the fabric over Thom's skull as he bites his lip and gently bucks his hips involuntarily.


	6. Chapter 6

Thom finishes him off with a flourish of his tongue and a grazing of his crooked little teeth, just so.

Jonny cries out Thom’s name and bucks his hips involuntarily trying to push his bursting cock further into Thom’s throat as he spills his seed into Thom’s hot, wet mouth. But Thom had fully anticipated this course of action. This isn't his first time sucking off Jonny after all. He has his hands firmly planted on Jonny’s girly hips, holding him in place. Thom swallows down everything Jonny has to offer, licks him clean, tucks him back in and buttons him up nice and tidy. He slides his head out from under the apron and looks up at Jonny sideways with a grin.

“Good enough?” He smirks.

Jonny takes in an exasperated sounding breath and looks down at Thom non plussed. “Well, I suppose it will have to do for now.” He pats Thom on the head and fails at completely holding back his grin.

“Will have to do?!” Thom asks in mock-mortification, smiling broadly. “I’ll have you know, sir, that I give some of the very finest fellatio around! That was perhaps the best blow-job you’ll ever have in your whole life! 'The Thom Yorke Kiss the Cock Special' is what it’s called on the menu and...”

Just then the doorbell rang interrupting Thom’s ‘I have no idea where I thought I was going with this’ rant.

They look at each other with wide-eyed glee. “That will be Ed!” Jonny chirps.

Thom wipes his mouth on the apron and scampers off to answer the door. Jonny turns and pokes his dough.

Thom runs to the door, props himself up on his tip toes and peeks through the peek hole to see who is there. He sees Ed standing on the step, politely pretending to admire the roses.  
“It’s Ed!” He calls excitedly over his shoulder. He begins the arduous task of unlocking the series of locks he insisted on having installed over Jonny’s protests. Jonny had called it overdoing it. Thom had called it good sense. And he likes to point out that ever since having the locks installed, no one had broken into the house. Jonny likes to point out that even before the locks were installed, no one had ever broken into the house.  
“... eighteen.... nineteen... twenty!” Thom mumbles to himself as he opens the last of the locks.  
“Ed!” he chirps as he finally opens the door.

“Thom!” Ed chirps back.

An emergency light starts flashing and a siren screams into existence, making both men groan and cover their ears.

“Aww! Fuck!” Thom grimaces. He had forgotten to disarm the security system. He almost always does. He plants a quick kiss on Ed’s cheek after pulling the Titan down to Thom level then turns toward the alarm box on the wall down the hall. While Thom busies himself with shutting down the alarms, Ed steps in and closes the door and goes about re-locking all of the locks. This is a routine they’ve done before and easily fall into the rhythm of it each time.

Thom pads over to the command panel and taps in the code: 01041960. He pauses expectantly after pressing the enter button. When the lights and sirens don’t immediately stop, he jerks his head up in an anxious moment when he thinks maybe the code he entered is wrong. He thinks maybe he changed it and doesn’t remember. Or maybe Jonny did. Jonny hates this code. Just as he’s about to panic, the alarm suddenly stops ringing and the lights stop flashing. Thom and Ed both sigh in relief and stand there grinning at each other for a moment, relishing the pleasant silence.

“Did you bring it?” Thom asks.


	7. Chapter 7

“Of course! That’s why I’m here.”

“Yay!” Thom grabs Ed’s hand and pulls him down the hallway back to the kitchen. Jonny is busy at the stove, stirring pots and adjusting heat settings. He turns and smiles at them.

“Hi, Ed!” Jonny steps forward and presents his cheek for a kiss.

“Hey, Jon! What are you cooking?” Ed asks as he steps forward to give Jonny a buss on the cheek.

Jonny pulls Ed down and plants a kiss on his cheek. He steps back and dramatically stretches his arms out gesturing around the room proudly like a 6 year old. “I’m making pizza!”

Thom and Ed both “Ooo! and Aah!” appreciatively and trade knowing glances. Then they nod to each other in that way they had when they are up to something.

Jonny drops his hands to his sides and curls his full lips up into a pout. “So, you have plans then?” He asks frowning.

“Yeah. But we’ll be back for pizza.” Thom reassures.

“ _Of course_ , you will.” Jonny grouses. Then grins thinking about all of the possibilities of what their plans could be. They are like romping puppies sometimes and can get into all sorts of mischief when it suits them. 

“Definitely back for pizza! It smells fantastic in here, Jonny!” Ed enthuses.

“Oh! It does doesn't it? I've been reading up on all of the science and history of pizza making. It's so interesting!” Jonny enthuses back, pleased that his efforts are being appreciated by somebody. “You’ve got about an hour and a half or so. You’d better get to it.”

Thom and Ed race off to get stoned, fuck each other senseless, argue politics and blow stuff up in the back garden. Not necessarily in that order. Meanwhile Jonny tosses his dough, makes sauce, drinks red wine and sings off-key to Italian opera in the kitchen. It's a full day for everyone.

Thom and Ed return about two hours later starving with the munchies for curry chips but otherwise fully sated. They are just in time for Jonny to pull the last pizza from the oven. They all swoon at how delicious the pies are. Both Thom and Ed decree that it is indeed the best pizza in all the world (they graciously don't let on to Jonny about the curry chips). Jonny is very pleased. 

They all retire to the master bedroom and fuck each other senseless for the rest of the evening with an occasional break to eat more wonderful pizza, blaze up another doobie, sing off-key to Italian opera or blow something up in the garden. They are all very pleased with the way the day turned out and fall asleep cuddled up together in a big sloppy sexy-man puppy-pile. 

The End.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I obviously ran out of steam and I couldn't keep Ed away. :lol:


End file.
